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Yours Truly, Friday, February 01, 2008, 12:49 AM♥
After a long chats with my schoolmate, i realized that this few years. the things that i have gone through, is not as easy as what everybody thought of. Everyone might thinks that i am a cheerful girl. However, they only knows one sided of me. But not the fully of myself. What is in me, is just a word "HATRED". & thats it, of cos there's still one more word in me which is "REVENGE". I seems to be wanted to harm the people who hurts me in the past. Just like using a knife stabbing deeply into my hearts. Fresh Blood were flowing everywhere like water fountain. With drops of tears coming out from my eyes, opening big. The pains was very horrible, terrible & vegetable. Whenever i stares at the knife, my mind would go wild. Images of stabbing the person is flowing through my mind. Again & again, repeating the same old things. It makes my heart felt an urge of killing him. Yet, an angel side of me appear and told me "Even if you tortured, killed him, you also cannot put down the hatred in you" Yes, and indeed i do agree with it. It takes alot of courage to put down the hatred. It is really hard to imagine for a girl to gone through all this. Yet can live till now alive, happy & smiles everyday. There's a drama, i bet lots of people know. There's a girl who always says that "只要笑一笑没什么事是过不了的" "Just a smile and you can overcome anything" Maybe, cause of this phrase, i step one foot. I choose to smile everyday. &this might be why i seems to be forgetting lots of things. I forgot the past of what i gone through. I forgot they have appeared in my life before. I forgot everything. Seems to be lost memory day by day. Should i say is better for me??? or worst for me?? There's advantages & disadvantages. Lost my memory, can forgot what has happened. Can be very happy everyday, put down everything. No longer have to face the image everyday. Can be back what i used to be. But it can makes you forgot the people who cares for you. forgot the sweets memory i have it before. Will become a permanent forgetting things day by day. Can i just take the advantages?? to my boy, this is my decision i gonna to make. I will be there for you whenever you needs me. I will console you whenever you feels sad. I have told myself this is the ever last time that i in a relationship. i want to break the curse. i want to be with you long. you gave me a love that i never had before, a fortunate feelings & as if we were married. the days we met 23, 25 ,30 of January 2008. i won't forget the days i with you. i will keep it in my heart. your sweet words melt my hearts. your angry words breaks my hearts. your stressful is my problems too. i wish i can help you solve it all once. i want to share your stress with me. it breaks my hearts when you were attitude to me whenever you were stress. i always just want to say that iloveyou wholeheartedly |
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