The ever first time in 2008 i broke my own records of not attending to school for so many times. I skipped 3days & attended 2days of school for this whole week. I asked myself "What am i doing?" I keep on tell myself that i have to study the next whole afternoon till night. Off my phone & totally concentrate in my studies. There's a phrase that people would say "Saying is a very easy task to do but when you want to DO IT, you will find it hard." & Indeed it is true.

I can't stop myself from holding a phone at my hand
I can't stop myself from moving the mouse browsing through here & there on nets.
I can't stop myself from sleeping like a pig.
I can't stop myself from eating & drinking.
I can't stop myself from the temptation of smoking.
I can't stop myself from watching television.
I can't stop myself from thinking of other things.
I can't stop myself from giving excuses of not to study.

How i ever wish a typical slap on to my face ,let me wake up from my dreams. "O" Level can say is still long but as the day goes by, you will feel that it is getting nearer. & by the time you want to revise through all the topics you might find it hard to catch up. Especially when you were trying to revise through your worst subject of all. You will say that it has no time for trying hard to understand it well. I always have the urge to shout it out loud at somewhere so to hope that i can feel better. Instead of shout it out, i talk in a very loud voice with other people to replace the shouting. I don't know what to do, is really totally out of my minds.

Can anyone do tell me what am i suppose to do so that i can have everything out of my Freaking Mind & Fully concentrating on my own studies without any disturbance from anyone. I am getting to hate myself more when i keep delaying time.

I hate myself of pick up smoking & slitting.
I hate myself of giving stupid excuses to myself.
I hate myself of unable to stop from using my laptop.
I hate myself of using handphone non stop.
I hate myself of sleeping so much.

Just simply a "HATE" can make me so vex about it. From a Non-an Addicted Smoker to become an Addicted Smoker. In my heart, i know there's a lot people don't wish that i picked up smoking. But a disappointment, i fail to do the simple task & picked up the things that you all hated the most which is smoking. I'm sorry but truly to say that smoking make me feel better. You all can say that there's other method that makes me feel better than picking smoking. I could say that i am totally out of any ideas of making myself feels better. I want to find if yoga could help me to relax my mind but i don't know where to find a course for yoga lesson. It is really the time for me to buck up but i did nothing to it. I am totally a Loser to myself.



You can lose to anyone out there but you can't lose to yourself. Losing to yourself is equal to lose everything even if you have everything. I have entirely lose everything as well as myself.