I seems to be so doubtful to my life. My thinkings & emotions can just change anytime just like the weather. A few minutes before I'm Laughing so Happily, after a few minutes I'm Hiding in a Corner.

Today, same things repeating again. I cracked my brains to reminisce all my past few years the works i have done. The pains at my back head was getting stronger and stronger in every minutes till i went to fall asleep. An urge of not gonna to open up my eyes once again came into my brain. Yet, in the end i slowly to open my eyes after the pains seems to be vanishing. I asked myself " Why did i open my eyes once again?? " There's no answer to the question.

Suddenly, school bell rang. It seems to be telling me that "Do not give up yourself, have some foods to gain my energy back to the war i am having now. There will be an award for yourself after the war ends successfully." My legs seems to be so motivated, it brought me to buy foods and gain my energy back. Maybe it can say as a good things to me but as for me, my thinking is different. I don't wish my leg to behave so well.

I was back in class again. Same things repeating again and again making me feels like throwing my tantrums just like that. Throwing all my school materials to the floor and never wants to pick it up. The pains were back to my back brains ;feeling so utterly terrible. Once Again, no one seen through my struggle ;just like being thrown to one side in a dark corner. The struggle just like drowning in the swimming pool where there's no lifeguard, anybody else there helping you up ;feeling so helpless.I was holding back my tears, don't want anybody to use a sympathy expression to look at me. Controlling my emotions so hard that i feel like letting go of the rope, back to the well looking at a small circle to the sky than back to a realistic world...

I just felt that I am a failure who gives up so easily even when there's a lot people supporting me all the way. There's dreams that i wanted to achieve for. However, just not even a step to it, my mind already started to give up just like this. Getting a more and more hatred to myself. I'm sorry to my dear friends. I'm just so useless and a disgrace to you. It's alright if you don't want me this friend anymore, i can understand. Who wants a friend who is such a failure to herself.


p/s: i always love to hide my emotions and express the best side of me.